It has been more than a month since my last post. I thought I might have more to say. Actually, I do have more to say, but so much of what I have to say I need to say to God before I say it to anyone else. I need a divine editor these days, not only of my words, but of my heart.
So much troubles me. So much seems wrong, out of sorts with God and His word. So many willing to cut theological corners, short sheet the word of God in their lives, even ignore the clear injunctions of Scripture to their lives: thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes included. I have been cursed and dismissed and complimented and affirmed all at the same time. I look at Jesus and I think, "Look out! Crucifixion ahead."
O Lord, make me like you. There are other aspirations that float through my mind and spirit, but please, make that one the priority. Tomorrow I may feel differently, but right this moment, while I'm still in my right mind, accept this plea. Make me like you.
You did not lash out. You did not scorn. You did not despair. For the joy set before you, you endured the cross. I feel the cross today, but the joy? Not so much. So make me like you. Please.
I need to be faithful. I need to be gracious, truthful, and filled with unconditional love and forgiveness because the god of this world has blinded their eyes and "they do not know what they are doing." Please, please. Make me like you.
Let me bare my back to the scourging of gossip and misunderstanding, not because those who give it are right, but because you who took it are right. let me open my heart to the heartless and rebellious, not because they deserve my love, but because I do not deserve your love. Please, make me like you.
"I once was blind." In some ways I still am, so please, Lord, don't just give me sight, but fulfill what the author to the Hebrews said when he exclaimed, "We see Jesus!" Make me like you, able to see what you see in my heart, in the hearts of others, in the Father's heart most of all.
I am full of "I" when I should be full of You, full of Spirit, full of faith. Please, Jesus, make me like you.
What's that, Lord? Before the words leave my lips you are answering? What did I think these difficulties and distresses were all about? You sent them ahead in answer to the prayer you knew I would pray when you sent them?
Oh.
Okay.
No, seriously. It's okay. I just sort of forgot as I got wrapped up in my own little--very little--world. I'm better now. You know the plans you have for me, plans of good and not of evil, to give me hope and a future. These are your unthwartable plans. Good plans. Hopeful plans. Plans that, as the future becomes today and passes into tomorrow, will make me like you.
Thank you.
I love you.
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So often it seems we need a change of attitude rather than a change of circumstance in order to experience joy and contentment. I guess that's part of what it means to mature in Christ. Thanks for sharing your struggles and your victories. I think this is a battle that is common to all of us, and we can learn from your example.
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